Crushed....defeated...sad....heart-broken
All emotions I am trying to push away so that I can still have HOPE.
Hope that this first IVF cycle will not be cancelled.
I had my Day 8 Ultrasound and Estrogen level this morning. It was down in Seattle with a doctor I have never seen before, nor is she truly aware of my situation. I was just a patient number on her long list that needed to be checked off today.
As she started my ultrasound she first went to the right ovary. The large follicle that I had on Thursday (which was 14mm then) was measured at 18mm. And she passed over the other two on that ovary, stating they were just too small.
Hhhmmmm...ok....but I can see them!!!!
On the left ovary she measured 4 follicles ranging from 14-16mm and then a few others that were around 7-9mm. Without skipping a beat she started discussing our options, with the first one out of her mouth being to cancel this cycle and just try naturally this month because even though my LEFT tube is blocked, crazier things have happened.
WTF!!!! WHATEVER!
Second option would be to go forth with this cycle in hopes of getting at least one egg to fertilize and then we would immediately transfer back that embryo on this cycle. Third option would be to again continue to retrieval, freeze any embryos that make it to day five and then do another round of IVF injections in a few months...then we would combine the two cycles and send any samples on for genetic testing.
Well...you can about imagine what this crazy, emotional lady did...
All emotions I am trying to push away so that I can still have HOPE.
Hope that this first IVF cycle will not be cancelled.
I had my Day 8 Ultrasound and Estrogen level this morning. It was down in Seattle with a doctor I have never seen before, nor is she truly aware of my situation. I was just a patient number on her long list that needed to be checked off today.
As she started my ultrasound she first went to the right ovary. The large follicle that I had on Thursday (which was 14mm then) was measured at 18mm. And she passed over the other two on that ovary, stating they were just too small.
Hhhmmmm...ok....but I can see them!!!!
On the left ovary she measured 4 follicles ranging from 14-16mm and then a few others that were around 7-9mm. Without skipping a beat she started discussing our options, with the first one out of her mouth being to cancel this cycle and just try naturally this month because even though my LEFT tube is blocked, crazier things have happened.
WTF!!!! WHATEVER!
Second option would be to go forth with this cycle in hopes of getting at least one egg to fertilize and then we would immediately transfer back that embryo on this cycle. Third option would be to again continue to retrieval, freeze any embryos that make it to day five and then do another round of IVF injections in a few months...then we would combine the two cycles and send any samples on for genetic testing.
Well...you can about imagine what this crazy, emotional lady did...
...I started bawling my eyes out.
Canceling this cycle would pretty much mean that we are throwing away all the thousands of dollars we've spent on the meds alone. We've tried naturally for 18 months....that obviously isn't working or we wouldn't have had to do IVF in the first place. I've heard other women on a few IVF forums that I'm on discuss that their doc has mentioned this to them as well. And the reason they gave that this option is even pushed is because clinics don't like to retrieve if there is less then 8 large follicles so that it doesn't effect their statistics if it doesn't turn out for the best.
Well, guess what?
I don't give a SH*T about their statistics!!!
I understand that she thinks we should trigger because of the large 18mm follicle on the right and that in a few days it will probably be "old" and not have a good egg in it anymore. But I would much rather let that one get old and do a few more days of stim meds in the hopes that the others will grow more and maybe even give the smaller ones a fighting chance at having a mature egg as well.
Since getting home from our appointment, J and I have been talking...a lot. And we have decided that we are definitely going to go through with the harvest with this cycle and are then leaning towards option 3...combining 2 cycles into one for PGS. This will definitely take longer then we would have liked; adding 2-4 months on to the schedule we already have, but if that's what it takes then we are fine with that backup plan.
Oh and I aslo received the call with my estrogen level. It was only 524. Typical rule of thumb is that it is 200 "pts" for every mature egg. Yet another indicator that I need to continue on stim injections for a few more days. In just 2 days this number would very likely double.
Fingers crossed!
For now I am filing todays appointment as "WTF" and doing my best to put it out of my mind and stay hopeful. I see my regular RE first thing in the morning, and am anxious to see what she has to say.
Canceling this cycle would pretty much mean that we are throwing away all the thousands of dollars we've spent on the meds alone. We've tried naturally for 18 months....that obviously isn't working or we wouldn't have had to do IVF in the first place. I've heard other women on a few IVF forums that I'm on discuss that their doc has mentioned this to them as well. And the reason they gave that this option is even pushed is because clinics don't like to retrieve if there is less then 8 large follicles so that it doesn't effect their statistics if it doesn't turn out for the best.
Well, guess what?
I don't give a SH*T about their statistics!!!
I understand that she thinks we should trigger because of the large 18mm follicle on the right and that in a few days it will probably be "old" and not have a good egg in it anymore. But I would much rather let that one get old and do a few more days of stim meds in the hopes that the others will grow more and maybe even give the smaller ones a fighting chance at having a mature egg as well.
Since getting home from our appointment, J and I have been talking...a lot. And we have decided that we are definitely going to go through with the harvest with this cycle and are then leaning towards option 3...combining 2 cycles into one for PGS. This will definitely take longer then we would have liked; adding 2-4 months on to the schedule we already have, but if that's what it takes then we are fine with that backup plan.
Oh and I aslo received the call with my estrogen level. It was only 524. Typical rule of thumb is that it is 200 "pts" for every mature egg. Yet another indicator that I need to continue on stim injections for a few more days. In just 2 days this number would very likely double.
Fingers crossed!
For now I am filing todays appointment as "WTF" and doing my best to put it out of my mind and stay hopeful. I see my regular RE first thing in the morning, and am anxious to see what she has to say.
So if you are reading this, I would truly appreciate an extra prayer or happy thought being sent our way. I could really use some good Karma right now.
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