Waiting...

I am sitting here waiting for the genetics company we are using for our PGS testing to call me back.  Patience has never been one of my virtues.
In fact, I hate waiting.
HATE!
I'm a doer.
I would rather just do something myself then have to wait.  Since starting down the infertility path, I have become better with being patient.  Trying my best to not get anxious if a task is left undone for a lengthy time period.  But as the time draws nearer to our IVF cycle to start, all that work has gone out the window.

Ha Ha Ha

If you have infertility, then you know all to well about WAITING.  For many, month after month you've sat waiting for that home pregnancy test to show a positive, only for it to never happen.  There's the wait to get in for your first consult with a specialist.  Then there's all the tests and waiting again to hear what your next step will be.  Waiting to finally start fertility treatments is no walk in the park, but I hear that the 2-week-wait is the worst.  This is the time from when the embryos are transferred back into the uterus, to the time when you have your first Beta test at the doctor to find out whether or not you're pregnant.  Because I'm special, I get to add in another wait between egg retrieval and egg transfer due to freezing our eggs in order to do genetic testing. 

YAY!  not!

We have 9 days...229 hours...13,757 minutes...until I start injections, but who's counting.
For my sanity, I sure do hope they go by fast.  :)

Human Pin Cusion

For some, even the thought of needles drains the blood from your head.

But if you can pick yourself up off the floor after fainting and get over that fear,

acupuncture is totally worth every little pin prick.

And that's the most you will feel.

A little prick.

Most of the time you do not feel a thing.

Going into todays appointment, I already had a general knowledge of what
acupuncture entailed; common pressure points she may use, focusing of chi,
calming ones mind, etc.

But what I experienced was on a whole different level.

My appointment started out chatting with my new acupuncture therapist.

And let me just say, she is AMAZING!

 We discussed stress, stress management, guided meditation, and how we plan to
incorporate acupuncture with my IVF cycle ( for both the retrieval in a few weeks and
the transfer in a few months).

She told me that IVF is one of the most stressful processes that a couple will
go through in their life.  I guess my meditation (and now acupuncture) is doing it's job,
as I don't feel that stressed about IVF at all.  Now other life issues...
...that's where my stress lies.
I'm much more anxious to get the process going.

But anyway.

The purpose of acupuncture for those women going through IVF is to help decrease stress,
but also to increase blood flow to the reproductive organs to get ready for those little embryos.

The therapist then had me lay on her comfy table and was very thorough in explaining the entire process.  As she placed the small little needles, she explained how that point was of
significance in Chinese Medicine.  Right away I responded to a couple needles
as they were placed.  By "respond" I mean that I had a physical reaction, whether the
pin sent a spark of electricity through my body or limb, or I just felt a short poke.

In all she placed 19 needles (as indicated by a red dot in the diagram below)

The few that I responded to are numbered...

#1 was in the inside of my right arm.  This area had a burning feeling as I was going
through my guided meditation (Zita West track I previously blogged about).
I later found out from my therapist that this area is in charge of circulation;
from heart out to limbs and focusing on the digestion/reproductive area.

#2 was actually on the back side of my hand.  This area had an immediate response
that sent sharp, electrifying jolts down into my fingers and up into my wrist.
It was the most significant response of all the needles placed.  That is because it is a
pressure point for headaches and I just so happened to have a raging migraine from
all the editing I've been doing in the past few days.  I found this to be absolutely amazing.
But was even more mind-blowing was that by the end of my session,
my headache was completely GONE!
And it has stayed away since.
WOW!

#3 was a set of 5 pins place on my lower abdomen.  I didn't have any response to these
until I was in my guided meditation.  I didn't respond to each on individually, but rather all
of them as a whole.  It felt like I was having menstrual cramps.
After the session, my therapist explained that this is due to the increased blood flow
to this area because I was focusing my chi in this area.

#4 was a pin placed on the outter aspect of my left shin.  I responded to this pin right
away when it was placed.  This area is significant for muscle and joint aches/pains.
Ummmm...hello!?
As a former college athlete I have tons of joint aches.....all of the time.

#5 was a pin placed on the inner side of my foot just behind the ankle bone.
This area is known as Kidney 6 and helps in resolving many issues from head to toe.
From sore throats and emotional imbalances to insomnia and reproductive health.
I felt this pin the minute it was placed and throughout the session.

It would go from just a dull ache to a burning pain.

Again, all I can say is WOW!  What an awesome experience to actually have these
micro needles causing responses to areas within my body that are struggling.
Now that I know where these points are, I plan to continue focusing on them during my
guided meditation in the hopes of making my body more centered and healthy...
...and ready to have a little frozen embie snuggle in for 8 months.  :)

I cannot wait to go for my next session in a week!

Let's Get It Started

This week we officially started checking items off our IVF schedule.

It's all starting to finally feel real...and we couldn't be more excited!

As you know from my previous post, I had to attend "Injection Class" on Thursday.

It turned out to be quite comical as I was the only one in attendance at this "class."

Because of this, I was one-on-one with a Medical Tech.

When she found out I was an RN she said, "well this is going to be a waste of your time."

LOL!  Great!

I spent 1 hour and 20 minutes on the road that afternoon for a 

FIVE minute review of the meds I am going to be taking in just 15 days!

Woo hoo!

Last night, J kicked off our IVF meds by having to take 4 pills of Azythromycin.

He is definitely not a good pill taker, so I got a good laugh seeing him struggle

with such a simple task when you look at the entire spectrum of our IVF journey.

I can't wait to see how he reacts when I make him give me an injection.

So there you have it.

Another week in the books and another week closer to things getting really crazy.

We are doing our best to stay as busy as possible to help time move along faster.

Weekdays are filled with J going to work in the BIG city and me working from home.

I currently have a TON of editing on my plate to work through.

I'm hoping to get as much done as I can before I start in on all the appointments

associated with the injections.

Our weekends are filled with adventures as we explore our new home state.

We are truly loving it up here in Washington and are never bored.

Today we are headed to a plane show.

Until next time......

XO

This weeks agenda

 (LOVE my new awareness band for Infertility.

If anyone is interested in one let me know and I'll get you the link.)

Thought I would give a little update on this weeks schedule towards our first IVF cycle.

It's still a fairly quiet week.

Tomorrow afternoon I have to attend an injection class on the SRM-Kirkland campus.

Yes, that's right!

Me, an ICU trained RN, has to go to a class to learn how to give a shot.

LOL!

Oh well, it'll be fun to at least meet other woman on the same journey.

Friday night, J has to take a boat load on antibiotics.

Fun! Fun!

He is not so good at taking pills, so you can about imagine
how much he is looking forward to this.

Speaking of men...

so often in IVF, the focus is on the female and the male gets overlooked.

But I recently came across an article titled,

"A Guy's Survival Guide to IVF."

It gives a great male perspective of this crazy journey filled with so many ups & downs.

My favorite is #10-Be a rock star husband

I have to admit, I am the luckiest gal to have such an amazing, "rock star" guy by my side through all of this.

Home Sweet Home

What a whirlwind visit I had back to Nebraska.

It was over and done before I even could blink.

It was so good seeing so many friends and family.

Many of whom have been following our journey on this blog.

I received so many hugs and well wishes...it was truly amazing to feel all the love.

Thank you to those that listened, laughed and shared a hug with me.

While it was good for me to be back in Nebraska, it also feels great to be back home...

...where my heart is.

:)

Feeling Blessed

I know I said I probably wouldn't post again until I returned from Nebraska next week, but we just got some news that I feel I needed to write about.  

A few days ago we received notice that a financial adviser had started looking over our

case and would be getting back to us with the monetary amount that would be required

to be paid in full before we could start treatments.  So needless to say, I have been

fearing what this number was going to look like.  I knew what the raw number was,

but didn't know what it would look like after it was put through our insurance.

Well, I just received notice of what that magical number is and I am truly grateful

for our AMAZING insurance.

Without it we would not have the opportunity to pursue our dream of having a family.

We are truly blessed!

Leavin' on a Jetplane

Tomorrow I will be Nebraska bound for my 3rd of 4 trips I have planned this year.

I am booked to photograph an All-Day Wedding, a Child Session and a Senior Portrait Session.

Phew!  It's going to be a busy trip!

So needless to say, the blog will be a little quiet until I am back home.

I'm doing my best to be productive today.

I've had a migraine for 3 days now and just really wishing it would go away already.

I was hoping that my 4-shots-of-espresso iced coffee would do the trick this morning,

but it failed me. :(

Even though I'm not feeling the best, I'm super excited as Friday marks the 

official start of our IVF Cycle. YAY!

And you better believe that I have a countdown going...

...only 25 days 'til I start injections.

Woo Hoo!

Ok....I need to start packing.  

Have a good weekend everyone!

Case of the Monday's

We have a MAJOR case of the Monday's in our house today.  

It's even spread to the pups....

I didn't sleep well last night (not sure why), but I still jumped out of bed when J got up for work and headed out the door for my morning ritual.  I felt very relaxed
yet energized when I got back home,

but that feeling has since faded...BIG TIME!

In other news, I have decided that I'm going to give Acupuncture a shot.

I called this morning and set up my consultation appointment for the morning of August 26th.

Yay!

Our Itinerary

*Disclaimer - Often times on this blog I may use words like Aunt Flow (period), uterus, vagina, ejaculate, etc.  If these words make you squeamish I suggest you stop following my blog and grow up. :)

Many of you may be wondering when we will begin all the madness.  At first J & I were not going to disclose this information because we did not want there to be pressure in the event that things do not work out as we hope.  But since our schedule is a little different then we originally thought, we have decided that we are going to share half of it with you.

Confused?

Well, let me explain....

After doing my research on our facilities outcomes, there were a couple of percentages that J & I took special note of.  The first one is that SRM has a 50% rate of success rate with doing an embryo transfer 3-5 days after the egg retrieval (I'll get more into the science stuff of the embryo in a later post) on the very first try.  So 50%...pretty good, right?  Especially considering that any given "healthy" female only has about a 7-15% chance of getting pregnant on any given month anyway.  Well as I continued to read, the success rate went up to 65% chance with those that did genetic testing (aka; PGS) on their embryos before transfer (I'll also explain genetic testing in a later post).  And reading even further into the report, SRM's statistics showed that cases that did  IVF with PGS and then froze all of their embryos in order to do the transfer several weeks later had a 75% chance of success on the first try.  WOW!  This time "off" allows the female body to regulate after all the IVF meds and return to it's normal state.

Soooo...J&I decided that we are definitely doing PGS, which means that we will be doing the actual embryo transfer several weeks/months later.

It is at this point in our journey that we will not be sharing any details.

Ok, enough already, right?

When is the BIG SHOW starting?

Well right now I am waiting for Aunt Flow to arrive, and then I will begin 

Birth Control NEXT Friday (Aug 15th).

Yes, you heard me right...Birth Control.

Believe me, this is the weirdest thing to wrap my head around, too.  Why the heck is a woman who cannot conceive naturally anyway, going on birth control?  Well this is just a normal part of the process with most  IVF cycles.  The doctors use it to suppress the ovaries and not allow any follicles to form at all during this time.  Then when the actual stimulation meds are started, the hope is that the meds work to get all of the follicles to grow at the same rate.

Not sure about how all this works?
 Well I think it's probably best to just watch the video below.
It would probably get really confusing if I tried to explain it all.

The only difference is that with IVF, the goal is to get several follicles to grow and keep growing in order to produce several mature eggs.  On average, women during this process will have 5-14 follicles which in turn produce 4-13 mature eggs.  It is possible to overstimulate the ovaries and get upwards of 20-35 follicles and LOTS of mature eggs, but this could lead to a severe complication known as ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS).  If you really want to know more about this click HERE, but I advise not to because it can be some pretty scary stuff.  To prevent this from happening, doctors are monitoring blood levels and ultrasound images every other day once stimulation injections have started and take necessary precautions to prevent a woman from developing OHSS. 
Ok, no more tangets.  I'll go more into the steps in a later post.

So, like I said...I start birth control in 5 days.  On Aug 21st, I have to take an injection class.  I know, yet another crazy hoop to jump through even though I probably can give the injection in my sleep.  ;)
On Sept 3rd, I have a suppression check where they look at my ovaries and make sure they are nice and quiet with no cysts (keeping my fingers crossed for this one as I have a
significant history with cyst issues).
And then I start the IVF Injections on Septemeber 7th!
I will be taking Menopur & Follistim to stimulate follicle growth.
Ganirelix to stage off ovulation until the follicles are at a certain size.
And then triggering with hCG.  This is essentially like hitting the "go" button for the eggs to be released from the follicles.  Ovulation generally happens 40 hrs after the trigger shot is given, however, the doctors want to get the mature eggs out of the follicles right before they are released which is why egg retrieval happnes 35-36 hrs after the trigger shot.

Here is my complete IVF schedule (click to enlarge)

We are so excited to get started.  Yet it still seem SO far away!  Luckily we have a VERY busy schedule up until this time, so hopefully the wait will go fast.

Meditation & Acupuncture

Meditation is a practice in which an individual trains the mind or induces a mode of consciousness, either to realize some benefit or as an end in itself. (Wikipedia)  In my research, I found many studies that stated the use of mediation helped an IVF cycle be successful.  It decreases stress which in turn decreases cortisol levels in the blood.  There are many issues stress will create in your body but it will especially effect fertility in the following ways according to ivf.ca:

1. Impairs follicle health and development. Stress reduces the secretion of estrogen from the follicle which reduces the thickness of the endometrium and the fertile mucous
2. Reduces the secretion of progesterone from the corpus luteum in the luteal phase, and thus affects implantation. Stress can cause luteal phase defects.
3. Affects the surge of luteinizing hormone (LH) from the pituitary gland which is responsible for stimulating ovulation.
4. Increases prolactin secretion by the pituitary gland, which inhibits ovarian function
5. Affects the part of the immune system responsible for preventing miscarriage in early pregnancy
6. Negatively impacts many other health concerns which may impair fertility, such as thyroid health, autoimmune conditions, allergic conditions, pcos, endometriosis, and gastrointestinal concerns.

Since this may be our one and only shot with IVF, I am taking every precaution and trying every little thing to do my best at making this cycle successful.  The best part about meditation is that it can be done anywhere for any length of time.  You can meditate while laying in bed, sitting in a chair in your back yard, or out in nature.  I have practiced meditation on occasion in the past, but it wasn't until recently that I absolutely fell in love with it.  I decided to take my practice out into nature by one day listening to one of my newly purchased audio tracks while out on my walk.  It just so happens that we have some beautiful trees and areas that the cities have left natural right in the middle of neighborhoods.  One of these places isn't too far from us but I had never walked through it.  It was on that day that I decided to take my meditation into this natural area.  

And all I can say is "WOW!"

It was as though the trees came alive in the warmth of the sun.  Everything was more vibrant and loving.  It was an experience that I highly recommend to EVERYONE.  I have since made it a part of my daily routine (as best I can).  I now run to the location.  Sit on an amazing dock that is built right in the middle of the natural reserve and meditate for about 15 minutes, and then while listening to calming music/sounds, I walk back; breathing in the cool, crisp air and noticing all of the beauty around me.  In case your wondering where to get a meditation track of your own, there are tons of places to find them; Amazon, iTunes, Audible, etc.  The specific tracks that I listen to are for infertility and IVF (Zita West MP3s).  I highly recommend mediation to everyone.  It is very calming and relaxing.

Now on to Acupuncture.  Acupuncture is the stimulation of specific acupoints along the skin of the body involving various methods such as penetration by thin needles or the application of heat, pressure, or laser light (Wikipedia). According to the Fertility Clinic, "Integrative acupuncture can increase IVF success and take-home baby rates. Research studies show acupuncture, in combination with IVF can increase pregnancy rates, increase implantation rates, reduce the risk of miscarriage, decrease the occurrence of ectopic pregnancies, and reduce stress."

I personally have been debating whether I will add this practice into the mix.  I have heard great things about an acupuncturist that is actually associated with the fertility clinic I go to (SRM).  I still have a month until my treatments start, so who knows what I'll end up deciding.

I found this cool video, showcasing SRM and it's acupuncture practice.

Let's Chat

So I feel that I have a couple things I need to clear up after yesterdays posts. I have a million thoughts running through my head right now, so I'm going to do my best to get it all out as best I can.  :)

First off let me remind that the purpose of this blog for me is to write about the ups and downs of this journey.  I'm going to try to be as raw and honest with my feelings during this time and for many of you this is a new thing.  In the past I have not been one to express many things verbally (my hubby will attest to that), but I find writing to be a place where I'm able to get all my thoughts out where I can deal with them.  Just because I talk of it being a sad, hurtful time does not mean that I am depressed or even suicidal.  I value life above all things.  Why else would I be trying so hard to bring a little life into this world?  I know we still have many ups and downs ahead of us. We will celebrate the happy times and mourn the bad ones.  I plan to write about all of it in hopes to draw support in those times of need and in the end I hope with every fiber of my being that we can celebrate a new little life.  We have shared this blog with you all because we love you.  J & I have come to realize that this journey is bigger then we originally thought and need the support and encouragement from those that love us.

The second topic I would like to discuss is the post regarding the "5 Things Not to Say to an IVF Patient."  I came upon many lists on this topic on another blogs and it really resided with me.  It is meant to be a guide.  **It is in no way calling anyone out!**

Try putting yourself in my shoes and then read through that list.  

Better yet, here's a scenario...

{{Think back to when you were a kid and wanted a toy so bad.

You begged your parents every day for the toy.

You went to the store and dreamed of one day owning the toy.

It seemed like everywhere you went, everyone else had that toy you wanted so bad.}}

Now multiply that feeling of wanting that toy so bad by 1,000, and replace the toy with a BABY. 

So now that you can kind of relate (said loosely), you may look differently upon that list if any one of them were said to you.  I also did not want that post to be one where people are mad at me for it, or even worse, do not talk to us because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing.  It was posted to raise awareness, but shouldn't stunt conversations in the slightest.  I am obviously open to talking about anything and hold no grudges, and I hope you all can do the same. 

It's Going to be OK

At the early stages of our infertility I would often find myself having a difficult time being happy.  Month after month after month of failures was very hard and trying.  There were days that it took all of my energy to just face the world.

I was mad, hurt, sad, numb inside....and questioned many times; "Why me?"  Often wishing we hadn't taken the more responsible route of waiting until we were financially ready for kids.  I was grieving the loss of naturally being able to have a child.  While there is now amazing technology to help couples like us for which I am truly grateful for, I still had lost the most sacred ability that has been given to women 

Then a few weeks ago, on one of my lowest days, I received a text from one of my cousins with an article linked.  The articles message really struck a cord with me, “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” (click HERE for the article) It caused a light switch to flip and I no longer wanted to feel sorry for myself.  I convinced J that I needed to start telling people about what was going on.  I no longer wanted to feel ashamed about our situation.  I needed to talk openly so that I could start the healing process. 

We told our families and many friends.  I started reading tons of books and online articles.   I joined a forum for those going through IVF.  I found a new love for meditation.  And have gotten TONS of support.  We've received notes of inspiration and encouragement. I have found that talking openly about our IVF journey has become very therapeutic.

A few other articles that have been very positive for me and taught me "No More Whispers."

*This Woman Has a Secret

*Bobbie Thomas: No more whispers, I'm doing IVF and proud of it

*Savannah Guthrie: 'Love and prayers' to those dealing with infertility 

Then slowly but surely, my smile returned. 

It's going to be ok.
I'm going to be ok.

:)

Baby in a Box

While we are still a month away from starting the process, our doctor has already ordered my meds.  

They arrived via overnight shipping from the pharmacy in a small brown box.  

Here's hoping that they help in finally giving us our little miracle baby.

5 Things Never to Say to an IVF Patient

So you think you can empathize with someone going through IVF?  Maybe you held your best friend's hand as she went through the madness.  Spoke to her in her deepest lows about adoption or what if's?  You cried with her before and during treatments.  Being an IVF patient myself, there are just a few things that when said can be quite hurtful. I know that people love me and none of this is meant to hurt me, but I am here to help others out there.

The best thing to say to someone embarking or in the middle of IVF is nothing.  Just be there to listen and be genuine. A listening ear and and open mind is the best thing a person can offer. This is what you should say: "Do you need me?" or "I am here if you want to talk."

Here is my personal list of what not to say to a woman going through IVF.

1. "Relax and it will happen."  This is what I think immediately after I hear this: "relax? I guess I can't talk to you... because no, it may not happen."  I immediately start preparing myself for the worst in my head as I smile and say thank you.  I start resenting the fact that you told me to relax.  As if I am unable to in your eyes.  I don't know why, but I guess I am trying to protect myself.  I've been very relaxed in the past 18 months and tests show that it won't happen naturally.  Understand that I am in a moment of the "unknown," hormonal on fertility drugs and you saying this to me could actually be hurtful.

2. Recommend or ask about adoption.  If I wanted to adopt, we would not be putting ourselves through all of this in the first place.  Asking about adoption feels as if you are trying to come up with a solution to a problem you know nothing about.  It also makes me feel as though you don't think what I am doing is right or worth it.  This in turn makes me not want to talk to you.

3. Oh god! All I have to do is look at my husband and I get pregnant. Congratulations! Here's your Mickey Mouse badge. Now please leave! I have a sneaking suspicion these woman KNOW how hurtful this comment is and they just don't care. This comment is worse the a sucker punch to the gut!

4. Complain about your own kids, or worse, offer one up as a joke.  This has surprisingly happened to me more than I wish to admit.  "Are you sure you are up for this?" is asked as their toddler climbs all over them.  As if it is just so hard on them to be a mom.  A MOM!  WHAT I WANT TO BE.  Now I get it, kids are hard.  But remind yourself and refrain from complaining about being a mom around someone who is trying so hard to become one.

Offering to give the person one of your children as a joke is just awful and not funny to an IVF patient.

5. God has a plan.  Just don’t!  We can all find reason and lessons in the things that happen to us, but it’s not for anyone else to tell me.  Unless you have a direct line to God and he told you, in his OWN words, his plan for me, then don’t tell me God has a plan.  Tell me “this may make sense one day down the line,” because it may.  But it also may not. It may just be a shitty few years J and I will have to write off as the dark infertility years.

Again, if you genuinely want to be there for us, we would love to hear any of these:

"I am here for you."

"If you ever want to vent, I am a listening ear."

"If you ever need someone to be there at an appointment, I would be happy to be there with you."

"I can't imagine what you are going through, but I'd love to hear all about it if you are ever up for it."

And actually be there!  I find that I get ignored a lot. Infertility makes people uncomfortable so sometimes people don't ask how I'm doing or how I'm feeling or if I need anything simply because they're too uncomfortable to talk about the subject. If you have been chosen to know about our infertility struggles you have been chosen because you are special to us and we need you.

No More Whispers

If you are reading this blog, you either found it from a general IVF blog google search or you know me personally and have been linked to this blog.  For those that are going through your own fertility struggles, know that you are not alone.  Feel free to follow this blog or even contact me privately if you wish.  The purpose of this blog is to raise awareness of infertility and also to give me an avenue to write about the ups and downs during our IVF journey.  And if you feel so inclined,  an encouraging comment on any of the posts will always be well received.  :)

{MY STORY}

I am 34 years old and have been married for a little over 5 years to my amazing, sweet husband.  We have been trying to have a baby now for 18 months.  Shortly after our major move to the Pacific Northwest we decided to start seeing a Fertility Specialist to see what was the hang up.  The initial consult made my head spin, but after 2 hours I left my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) with a plan for the next month. It was going to be a busy month, filled with scheduling various appointments throughout the days of my cycle.  Blood work and ultrasounds were easy peasy.  But then came the very last test, the dreaded HSG (Hysterosalpingogram).  This test is done under a series of xrays taken while contrast is being pushed to see if your fallopian tubes are patent.  About 10 seconds in I knew this was our issue because I was experiencing the most excruciating pain I have ever felt at this point in my life.  The pain was so bad that my blood pressure dropped and I about passed out.  After a few minutes of having a cool wash cloth on my forehead, I was able to function.  My doctor went over the xrays and showed me that I did in fact have issues with my fallopian tubes.

A few days later, we had our final consult appointment.  The doctor went over ALL the tests with my dear husband and I.  She confirmed that conceiving naturally was not likely due to tubal issue stemming from Endometriosis.  We had one possible route and one definite route.  I could undergo surgery and see if the issues could be resolved (our doctor was not very hopefully with this route at all based on the xrays during my HSG).  The other, more certain route in the mix was IVF (in-vitro fertilization).  We got all of our questions answered and left the appointment unsure of our next step.  Yet it was such a relief to know what the problem was after all these years and know that there was still hope.

The 4th of July weekend was upon us, so J (hubby) & I had many days to discuss what we were thinking and to figure out what our next step would be.  In the end we decided that we would save time, money and pain by not doing the surgery and going right to IVF.  So there you have it folks.  No More Whispers.  We are doing IVF and couldn't be more happier, hopeful and excited.